rants

There are somethings that you can share with the world, others, which you would like to hold it close to your chest. Obviously, its never permanent but the things that you hold close, tend to become barriers in developing and connect with other people or experiences in general. We tend to hold on to these things, which build a wall around our minds. This wall, over a period of time, becomes impenetrable which also leads you, as a person to cut the rest of the world off from your self, never wanting to experience anything new nor looking for anything. You end up becoming a shell of a person, something like a shadow of what you are supposed to be, just because you hold on to all those emotions, memories and experiences.

The simplest and often the most difficult thing to do is forgive the person and let go of the emotion. These are things which are never taught to you in school or college. Maybe there should be a course, Life 101, where everyone is given a basic understanding of the things we can expect and how to handle them. I guess, emotions are not a large part of most people, and to express them, in what ever way possible iss not really the done thing.I guess i'm in a very ranting mood, especially cause i had some expectations of reciprocation which were not fulfilled. Maybe i'm expecting a lot, or maybe, i'm not communicating my expecations, or may be, this is how life is supposed to be. A build up of emotions, which has to find a release . I dont know, i'm just rambling again. BUt i guess, its like talking to my self, no one will know and no one will care.

Bitchy People

So this is not the first time i've spoken about things like this, but i guess i've never wanted to waste my time writing about it.
Then again, i'm sitting here in star bucks, waiting for a customer to meet me and nothing to do but kill time and eves drop on conversations.

Delhi, has a very interesting crowd, one which i've had the fortune of not ever meeting in bangalore. The kind of conversations which i've overheard ( never want to participate ) are often amusing and as a watcher, bring out a lot of giggles in my overly composed self.

There is obviously a heavy air of people who have some connection or the other with politics and the political class or should i call them a cast, i'm not sure. The politician is obviously the elite. of the city, with everyone wanting to talk about them, to them and wanting to be them. Even the kids are not spared, for example, a certain politician's son was caught smoking and how the principal had to call the parent ( who is a politician ) and such an embarrassment it was for the parent. Obviously there is a ting of schadenfreude which one experiences when the elite get humiliated, and then there is the life of an 15 year old kid, who knows the pressure of having being an elite and living up to the standard and where one slip will become a black mark for his entire life. The city and the people seem to live on that, feed off that, and if they could, they would record every aspect of that to keep for a later date, rewind and enjoy the mental masturbation.

Then, there are the people who need to check in, hastag and so on at ever juncture of their life. Its as if their entire worth and existence depends on what their peers think about them and the insecurity they face when they have not got enough likes. ( wow, they are so easy to exploit ). They are some sort of slaves to their masters ( the virtual media ) and seem to remain a perfect human specimen throughout their lives. The pings and likes seem to give them the perfect orgasm which no human contact gives them. Comments give them the soul shattering, loud screaming feeling which they cannot experience otherwise. They obviously are deprived, but maybe not. I think its the bliss of ignorance which protects their not so formed brains. If every wrinkle inside the cranium represents the depth and experience a person has gained, they would probably be as smooth as hema malini's cheeks ( taking the line from one of our political class ) ..

I'd love to go on, however, my customer is here and i dont want to waste productive time for unproductive things.

Bangalore

This incident happened a couple of years back, however the relevance of the event is applicable more so today.

I’m an oddity in todays Bangalore, a person who was born here and raised here and have not really stayed elsewhere. I’ve seen the change it went through in the last decade. For example, the little village of Kempapura, which had little or no inhabitants and a single private school in the middle of nowhere has become this a bustling township with its own mall, 4 international schools and colleges, a whole lot of houses in an area which was over grown with parthenium. (Something we were warned about back then, though I do not have much recollection of the problems it causes)

I was driving down Sarjapur road towards the village to meet someone who has recently moved to Bangalore though he is yet to convince me that the place he is staying is in fact apart of Bangalore. There seems to be new townships cropping up from every little plot of land, and a place, which was once a farmland, has been transformed into a concrete jungle. The overall drive left me with a sigh as I see new developments and people encroaching into areas and calling themselves Bangaloreans. As I drove past yet another set of apartments, I noticed a couple of school kids asking for a lift. I suppose we have all done this some point of our childhood, when we feel too lazy to walk to where ever,

Anyhow, I let them in and drove them to the closest point to their tuition class, a few kms from where I was. The kids have lived in Bangalore all their lives, but rarely visited MG road and don’t know where cantonment station comes. ( I’m not sure if they even knew it existed.) Their entire life revolved around the hosur shajpur road and the layouts around it. Schools were 10 minutes drive, college would be 20 minutes, and grocery is around the corner, playgrounds, friends, movies and everything a kid would imagine is not more than 20 minutes away. The whole place gave off a stench of a Bangalore suburb, which had culminated into a city on its own. People who lived their still held on to the identity of being a Bangalorean, but have never been to malleshwaram, or known what a walk in Jaynagar feels like.

I was reading this article the other day about how all little villages got integrated into this one large monstrocity(pun intended) called Bangalore. There were little villages Sunkenahalli has become Gavipuram / Hanumanthanagar, Sarakki - J.P. Nagar, Puttenahalli - 7th phase J P Nagar, Chunchagunta - Srinidhi layout  and so on. We loose a little bit of history by the day and a lot of the identity by the generation. We forget where Bangalore comes from and know what it is today, and can only guess what it will be tomorrow. I strongly recommend a history class for all kids in their formative years to know the city, be proud of it and remember the people who built it and respect the people who have called it their home for generations.

There is always a dilemma when starting something new in life, be it work related or relationships. The feeling is similar to the one we get when standing next to a lake, ready to take the plunge. Afcourse, there is always toe dipping and easing into the water, just hoping that its not too cold for survival. But how many of us get a chance like that? And even if we do, don't we spend a major chunk of the time just contemplating. Plan, plan and plan every second and still, its not going to go the way we want it to. There are just too many variables and the ecosystem does not allow predictability. So, how does one navigate? Is there a map, a sequence or is it sheer luck or chance ( seemingly better word ). Patterns can be seen, but then again, do they really exist.

New projects seem fairly simple. Plan out everything, give enough buffer for budget and time. Sit on everyone's head until it gets executed and hopefully, things will work out. Well, it sounds easy enough. There is always the dependency on people, and the natural elements, but even that can be accounted for.
Where do we actually go wrong is the execution. There is not enough people following up, usually 1 person. And that is the crux of the problem.

There is something worse than a new project, probably 10 times bigger. A relationship. Now where do i begin. This is almost always a life long project, requiring time, effort, and a lot of patience from both sides. It begins with a fairly superficial understanding of the person, covering the "check list" as we call it.  The selection criteria, if I may say so, itself is taxing 

The mellow din of delirim,
Ringing faintly in my cerebrum,
Spreading it's tentacles onto every sphere,
Building about me,a cost lair.
A cloud of gloom looms large,
Soaking in my minds eye like a mirage,
This vile clasp will I ever shatter?
Into a million pieces of matter.
Revealing a new world wrought with beauty,
That spreads beyond call of duty...

Something Missing

There are so many things that are in my head, I'm not sure where to begin. Life seems to be going in circles, work seems to be increasing ( not that I mind) and well, so much is happening. It almost feels that I have very little time for myself. But that is not true. I get a daily 2 hr ( otherwise called driving) to drift into my own world, my thoughts and so on.Afcourse I focus on the road and all. But the truly doing nothing time is getting shortened.
And then there is more. There are so many things which I would like to do, which I want to do, but I guess I dont want it enough. For example, I would want to finish the book soon, and it seems like I have time, but I don't seem like I have the peace of mind to sit and read. Then there is the Gym...

Yea, that is a story I don't want to focus on. But somewhere, I feel that I have been letting my self go.And no, its not after getting married syndrome. I guess its just something is missing

Birthdays

The subject is something which has intrigued me for many years. What is it that causes us to celebrate our birthday? Is it some achievement that we were born? Well in that case, mothers should be celebrating it in a grander manner. I mean, for 9 months, she has had a tumor growing in her uterus, mooching off her, and constantly growing. The amount of food and nutrients it consumes is simply unmeasurable.  Not to forget the hormonal imbalances, the weight gain, the pain and all the kicking!! Its like a punishment which would never end, and thank god it does. Imagine if it lasted longer than it does!!! I guess it makes sense for mothers to celebrate as they have finally gotten rid of the pain and suffering they undergo during its growth. Oh, i forgot to mention the labour period, but I guess, that may as well be omitted.

But why would you and I celebrate birthdays? Its a reminder that you have survived yet another year of existence, with the million issues which have crept up, the 999,900,000 ones which you have managed to solve, and the remaining are being carried forward. Its a date to measure if we have achieved our targets in the time we have earmarked. I guess it is a single day to sum up all our achievements and celebrate it. But why not do it every single day. We solve something everyday, learn something every day and move on and survive everyday. Why not celebrate it every night? or for those of us who are nocturnal, celebrate it during the day? why is it that we carry forward celebration? Aren't we supposed to celebrate life, if all guru's are to be believed. What stops us from ending each day with a sense of achievement and instead, we wait for a single day to do so.